Do you know what makes Jenga 1000x times better? The mind of Travis Abshear, and drinking, and party game rules, that is what. We play a game of Travis' own creation: Consequenga!
Consequenga is a game about friendship, and breaking ice, and getting weird with your pals at parties. The Jenga pieces have numbers on the bottom, and when you draw a piece, you have to follow a rule matching your number. It's kind of like Captain Dickhead, or whatever you call it, only way more interesting. Travis gets pretty tipsy. Everyone reveals their deepest fears. Someone knocks over a tower.
We played the Back to the Future: An Adventure Through Time, and learned what "88 gigawatts of fun" feels like. It feels a lot like playing an awful cash grab of a board game, turns out.
Do you remember all the times that Marty and Doc Brown murdered future and past versions of themselves and used their own time-blood as fuel for the Delorian? Because this game sure does use that as its primary mechanic. None of us could quite recall those parts of the movie, so I guess it's about time for a re-watch?
The Insane Clown Posse made a game. It's called Into the Echoside We played it.
Nick has too many layers of clown makeup caked to his face to ever scrape it off, Jaccob murdered Travis with a hatchet in ritual sacrifice to the 12 faced Joker god, Paul was sent to hell after being judged a sinner in the Tunnel of Love at the Dark Carnival, and Travis pounds Faygo with his homies in Shangri La. The game was actually pretty all right. Nice job ICP.
Turns out somebody made a Twin Peaks board game back in the early 90s. Season 3 just started, and it's our duty to unearth this weird cultural artifact. But maybe we should've just left it in the box.
Travis, Nick, Paul, and Jaccob are now trapped in the Red Room. The game is a trap, perfectly crafted to be the worst board game we've ever played, and damning its players to an eternity in the Black Lodge. We'll see you in your dreams.
We've returned to Nick's collection of childhood games again, with Dread Pirate, a game by Steve Edmiston and Front Porch Classics!
Nick, Paul, Travis, and Jaccob compete to be the most dreadful pirate in a fantastical Caribbean analog! There are so many vibrantly colored beads and small metal coins, and you get to put them into vibrantly colored faux-velvet pouches! Everything here is so beautiful! It's a shame it's just not very good though.
We've got Czech Games Edition (well, not the people [we'll get the people someday], but their game) in the studio this week, with Adrenaline!
Adrenaline is a first person arena shooter distilled into board game form! Paul plays a reptilian, Travis becomes that blue opera alien from the Fifth Element, Nick's a fun loving murderbot, & Jaccob becomes generic space marine. Bloodshed and friendship ensue, and CGE, as always, makes some of the best games around.
Oh man it's another Too Dumb for Games QUICKPLAY ft. Poop: the Game, and Jaccob and Travis!
Have you ever thought to yourself, gee, Uno would really be a lot better without the colors, but with poop jokes instead? No? I guess there were enough people out there thinking exactly that thought, because Poop: the Game got Kickstarted and found its way onto our shelf, into our hands, and into your ears. Poop is everywhere. We're sorry.
Here's a remaster of our review of the Fast & the Furious board game to celebrate the release of Fate of the Furious, featuring way better editing!
This week, Jaccob, Travis, Paul, and Nick get right up in one of the greatest film franchises of all time: Fast and the Furious. That is correct, there is a Fast and the Furious board game. Why? Your guess is as good as ours, but wow is it fun.
This week we play Eight Epics, by Seiji Kanai! We also goof up just about every fact about the game's development, so, uh, oops.
Eight Epics is a game about math, and dice, with a theme draped over it! It's also a game that inspires obsessive discussion about the myriad benefits of regular, unstoppable granola consumption, so if you're a granola fan, check it out. If you're a fan of Seiji Kanai, this game, or people who know things about board games, beware, because we actually didn't like this one very much.
Travis went thrifting and brought us back something called Pointing Fingers, from Hasbro. Guess we have to play it.
Pointing Fingers is a game that alleges to be a "hilarious game of who did what." We found it to be more of a very bad, boring game that inspires discourse on the proper useage of modal verbs, and difficult and terrifying metaphysical thought experiments. I certainly won't spoil anything for you, dear listener, but I'll just leave an image of the box art below and you can guess if Hasbro's assertions about its game are correct.
Too Dumb for Games is back with Space Hulk: Death Angel - The Card Game!
Astartes, don your power armor and get ready to get sweaty in a highly homoerotic and deadly expedition into card games about cramped corridors. Travis, Nick, Jaccob, and Paul scrape together what little knowledge they have of the 40k universe to weave a tale of love, betrayal, and death, for you, dearest listener!
We're back for another social party game with Monikers, a Kickstarter game by Alex Hague and Justin Vickers! Wish we'd read the rules better, because we might've played it kinda wrong? Just a little bit?
Monikers is a game about getting your friends to guess words on cards, like Jareth the Goblin King, cocaine bears, and Phineas Gage. Travis and Paul dominate. Nick and Jaccob flounder. We try to get David Liebe Hart as a guest star.
2d4g gets violent with Superfight by Skybound Games!
Who'd win in a fight? A UFC champ that can turn into water, or a boyband that kills with a kiss? Pikachu with a time machine or King Kong? You aren't gonna find out just sitting there, so stick in those earbuds and strap the fuck in, cuz 2d4g's taking you to the most improbable of arenas.
Too Dumb for Games has existed for one whole year, so we're commemorating our lil b-day with a Games of Our Year edition!
We take a trip down memory lane to look at the squalling, red-faced infant that was our podcast, and Travis, Nick, Jaccob, and Paul pick out their favorite games that we played for the podcast in 2016. We decided we'd extol the virtues of Mansions of Madness 2e, Betrayal at House on the Hill: Widow's Walk, Fast and the Furious: Full Throttle, and Cosmic Encounter.
Happy New Year! Too Dumb for Games is bringing in 2017 with ep. 26: Badsketball, wherein we unearth the ancient curse of 1971's Harlem Globetrotters Game by Milton Bradley!
If you ever find yourself dusting off a copy in some flea market or side-alley store full of mysterious Chinese artifacts, just put it down, walk away, and forget you ever saw it, because what lies inside is too powerful and evil for the weak souls of man.
In Epic Spell Wars of the Battle Wizards II: Rumble at Castle Tentakill, Travis, Nick, Paul, and Jaccob once again don their robes and wizard hats and blast each other to bits. Cryptozoic really upped the game for this expansion, with better art, mechanics, and we put the Too Dumb for Games spin on it with a spiraling descent into Jaccob's past romances.
Too Dumb for Games travels back to the old west and into the dark, earthy caverns of Nick's memories as a feral child with Eureka by Ravensburger Games. Eureka is a game about panning for gold and robbing your friend's, and inspires such thoughts as what was the Breakfast Club's prom like? Will Bob Dylan guest star on our podcast? And can Nick confront his dark past? Find your answers through the play button!
Wherein we play Portal: The Uncooperative Cake Acquisition Board Game by Cryptozoic! Nick accidentally ended this game way too early, so this officially makes our shortest episode ever. Expect a little game play, whatever we call a review, and some truly disturbing facts about alligator anatomy, courtesy of Jaccob.
It's election day! Time to put on a topical episode of Too Dumb for Games, wherein we play Clintonopoly and the Trump Game, go out to the polls, and experience the existentially crushing discontent of voting in this election! Don't forget to have a great day!
From the MPD evidence locker: "This is a recording of the kidnapping of Jaccob Hearn, Nick Knaebel, Paul Saxon, and Travis Abshear, in the games dungeon of Henry Perkins. Mr. Perkins, a friend and one time guest of the podcast, Too Dumb for Games, is believed to have abducted and poisoned the hosts, recording them as he forced them to play childhood board games in a twisted episode of tabletop judgement."
Happy Halloween everyone! Here is a recording we managed to salvage from our horrible Halloween in the clutches of a psychopath with a board game dungeon. Enjoy!
Thanks to sindhu.tms, club sound, and digifishmusic for making their hospital ambience, mic feedback, and radio static sound effects available under the Creative Commons License at freesound.org :]
Wherein we play Widow's Walk, the first ever expansion to the much loved Betrayal at House on the Hill! It's still pretty much one of the best games ever, but now with twice as much content. Our content is a couple teens and one really fast dude exploring a haunted house, only one of us turns out to be Hamlet?? This game's gotten a lot weirder.
Was that an Ayn Rand opening? That was an Ayn Rand opening. Welcome to Too Dumb for Games' second episode featuring Fantasy Flight's Mansions of Madness, with Paul, Jaccob, Nick, Travis, and Mansions of Madness 2.0! Fantasy Flight's gone and blasted board gaming into the future with a Mansions re-release that replaces you, the Keeper, with an app! Snazzy. Listen as 2d4g grapples with the unknowable once more, but with way more success. Thanks, computers!
In lieu of episode 19, which turned out like balls, just-Travis plays Tic Tac Toe, a two-player game invented by a people time forgot.
It turned out slightly less like balls.
So delicious, so delicious, we're fragalicious, it's so delicious.
Oops, hello, welcome to 2d4g 18, where we play Frag by Steve Jackson Games, an allegedly fast paced action board game that emulates early PC arena shooters. It ain't great, but boy, does it take you back to a time of Unreal Engine 1, Word '98, and Albino Blacksheep. We think this sums it up pretty well: http://www.sjgames.com/frag/
There's zombies afoot in this episode of Too Dumb for Games! We're playing Plaid Hat Games' Dead of Winter: A Crossroads Game, which is all about trying to survive a bad winter in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. It's about as hard to do as it sounds like. Listen as we find a bunch of weirdos hiding in gas stations, libraries, and grocery stores, all while trying to feed a bunch of gross teens back at home base.